and the positive aspect of negative thinking

i keep hearing that prayer and meditation and a positive outlook on life will bring positive things to your life
but what about when you pray for good things and get shit?
and you're crossing the street thinking happy thoughts as a car happens to cut the red light and run you down?
.. kinda hard to stay positive that way,
imho *shrugs...

so i'm sittin at my dad's place,
was supposed to be on the way out of town about 10, 11 taht morning,
and i get the call around 4pm,
we're not leaving
well no shit!
so after a nice little tantrum and the good old cold shoulder *L
it turned out to be a nice day of sittin in the shade, napping
and sittin at the beach watchin the waves..
and then we left the next morning

and then we get to revelstoke
meet my family and friends
he's gone back to go to work the next day
he calls that afternoon to say he's on his way back and doesn't styart again for another few days
so there goes my weekend
but then again..
i was on my way out when he called
to go to the bar..

sooo.. that's not so cool
but we got to spend the day fishing
sushi for dinner
and i get my free time tomorrow..
hell i can deal with that..

so maybe if i just don't expect anything i can't be disappointed, right?

but it was nice,
i was almost in tears when he left
so i was pretty stoked he came back..

you ever notice how people tend to walk in halfway through something like this,
take a look and get offended?
*L i just got the "oh now i know where i stand"...
fuckin bastid..

did you ever wonder if we're real?
maybe i'm just dreaming myself being here
and that my friends down the road don't exist until i go over there and imagine them there?
and maybe my partner just calls when i imagine him calling
and he's saying what i subconsciously want to hear?
when i leave this room i won't exist here anymore
but in the next room
i will
so if i stop thinking about you
will you disappear?

it's kind of like how when you'e thinking long and hard about soembody,
they're there?
or they'l call you
maybe it's something like that?

it's so nice to be back here in revelstoke
lookin good with my good lookin partner *L
and feelin damn good because i didn't do anything dumb
so i guess it wasn't such a abd thing afterall, eh
and besides..
i got to spend more time with him before he left
so i'd take that over the bar stars anyday

aside from that..
everything's going so great right now..
even though we don't have any money
or a place to live, really,
but we have choices
and a chance..

it was nice..
driving through kamloops the otehr day and he says to meyou know
this could be a new beginning for us
and i thought..
yeah.. this guy's for real, man..

it's such a fleeting feeling
knowing you've got that bit of reality
and it's so damn good..

i can't believe how scared iw as to come back here..
everybody in my life back on the island made me so terrified of coming back here
but i realize now,
that i don't have anything to be scared of..
because i'm strong
and it's the people who led me to belive it'd be a horrible experience
that are still living in fear..
just because they can't go back to that place\doesn't mean that i can't
i hate being summed into a catergory
like i'm just like everybody else
and they tell me that i am, \but i'm not
and you're not,
and he's not
and that person over tehre isn't
so why do they say that?
i am the only person like me
there's people out there who have the same defects
or some same characteristics
or looks
but they don't have the same combination as you
or me
or that chick sitting over there

anyways..
i've babbled long and hard
so that' about it for now...